Team Fortress 2: Gamer Update
by Hewhoimagines
Summary: Team Fortress 2 has a new update, but it's from The Gamer! What is his latest game, and will the mercs be getting paid for it?
1. Chapter 1

"All right, everyone ready?" A woman wearing glasses looked at a group of heavily armed men, each one anxiously waiting for action.

"Of course."

"I am ready."

"Huh-huh!"

"Not one a' them's gonna survive!"

"They're in my sights."

"Sentries are ready."

"I am fully charged."

"We must fight!"

"Let's go already!"

"Ok, the mechs are arriving now. You have to destroy them all. And all cash you find belongs to you. Now let's turn these things into scrap metal." The woman opened the door, ready to guide the charge, only to see a bright glow that engulfed the room, making all of them disappear.

When the glow cleared up, the ten individuals saw themselves in a huge, empty room. The only thing in it was a balcony some distance up. And standing there was a single person. One with a loud voice. "I am The Gamer! And you are my next game!"ly to see a bright glow that engulfed the room, making all of them disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

"The wh – The Administrator never told me about this."

"She didn't know about me, no one does, until I bring them for the game."

"What?! Aw no, no one plays games with me!"

"That's right! Especially if the prize is to be America, which you will not be getting! HEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAA – wait! My gun has gone invisible! I can't defend America if I am not seen doing it!"

"It's not invisible, I took it away. And restrained you."

Miss Pauling looked around to see he was right. All of their weapons were gone and there was some kind of barrier surrounding them. No matter how she looked at it, they were at a disadvantage. Before she could try to think of anything, their strange host began to speak. "This is the game that you will play: Each one of you will have to complete a challenge that I created for each of you. If each of you completes it successfully, you will get a wish for anything you want. If even one of you fails, the wish is null. So, interested?"

"A wish, you say? For anything we want?"

"Of course."

"Sounds a bit fishy if you ask me, Mate."

"It does."

"But strange man will keep his word?"

"Of course! What's a game without honor?"

"Then leeeeeeet's do it!"

"Yes! All of the experimental samples I can get to play with!"

"Excellent!"

"Since the ball is finally rolling, let's begin with the first challenge, made specifically for Scout!"

The enthusiasm seemed to vanish in an instant as everyone looked at Scout. "Oh real supportive, guys! I'll show you all! I'll beat that course in record time!"

"Weeeeeeeeeell, it's the first time it's been done, so a record will be set." And with a snap of his fingers, Scout vanished in flash of light. "Let the games…begin!"


	3. Chapter 3

"All right, let's get this started! I'm gonna…..own…this….." Scout began to realize just what he got himself into. He saw what should be a simple running course, except for all of the traps, automated weapons, and fire surrounding the end. "Are you serious?"

"Oh yes." Scout turned to see The Gamer looking down from a booth. "This is the course designed just for you. Unless, of course, you think you can't do it…."

"Aaaaaaaawww no, you are not going to psyche me out! I am doing this, and I am doing this now!"

"Excellent. And to help you out, there are bats laid throughout the course. But they will break after a few hits, so use them wisely."

"Ha! Who needs wisely when you have skill?" The Gamer didn't even try to correct Scout's grammar as he signaled the start of the race. Scout was like a rocket. The traps were nothing to his quick feet and double jumps. Things started to get a little tricky when he got to the weapons. He was forced to take cover every 5 feet. The Gamer actually did wonder if the gatling guns were a bit overkill. His concern was lessened when Scout would find a bat and then throw it.

Scout did keep one bat as he neared the final obstacle. The goal was on a platform, surround by a deep ring of fire. Scout backed up a bit, charged forward, and did the biggest leap of his life, just making the edge. Confidant in his victory, Scout walked forward to the goal. But before he made it, a robot looking like the Heavy popped up, punching at Scout.

"Hey, is this some kind if sick joke?"

"No, it's the final trap. Unless you get by him, you can't win."

It was easier said than done. The robo-Heavy as mounted on a post that was able to move in a circle around the goal, preventing Scout from entering. It was able to keep up with his speed, and the post could extend, blocking his jumps. Scout, running out of patience, ran forward with the bat, planning to charge straight through. It result in the bat breaking in two, and Scout getting punched to the edge of the platform. Gasping for breath, Scout was trying to get up, when he saw an interesting object lying in from of him.

The Gamer was worried that he made have made this a bit too difficult until he heard a loud boom behind him. He turned to see the robo-Heavy's head blown clean off, and the Scout looking annoyed.

"Hey, you didn't say I could find Force-Of-Natures on the course!"

"I didn't say you couldn't."

"Well, you didn't say I couldn't blast you either -"

"OK, bye!"

A quick wave of The Gamer's hand set Scout back to the mercs. "Now to prepare the room for the next contestant. Let's hope he's a bit more cool-headed."


	4. Chapter 4

The light shone brightly in Heavy's face as he stood in a dark room. As he was wondering what was going to happen, he was welcomed by a most welcome sight. "Ah! Sandvich!" As Heavy went over to pick it up, a shield quickly went over it. "Wait!" The Gamer appeared on a hovering platform. "You can have the Sandvich now, but look at what it will cost you!" The Gamer lit up another part of the room, showing a sight that filled Heavy with horror.

"SASHA!" Heavy's beloved minigun was suspended over a vat of acid, held by a single piece of rope. A rope that was connected to a device wired to the place the Sandvich was. "Do not fret. There is a way to save her, and that is your challenge." Fists clenched, Heavy slowly turned to The Gamer. "What must Heavy do?"

"Simple. When the match starts, a barrier will start to form over the acid. The process will take 1 hour. But if it senses any impact before it's complete, it will dissipate. So if Sasha is dropped before the hour is up, she is done for. And only one thing will make her drop. Taking that tantalizing, mouth-watering Sandvich, made with only the freshest and best ingredients."

Heavy understood perfectly what he had to do. He also understood that The Gamer was a horrible person, both with the conditions and tempting his palate. But he had to be strong, for Sasha, and for himself. Especially when the shield around the Sandvich was lifted, signaling the start of the challenge.

Heavy did not move. One single bit. He just sat down facing Sasha, watching the barrier slowly close over what would claim her. The Gamer, however, pulled out a book, because he knew that this was going to take a while. But he had to admit he was impressed with Heavy's self-control. So much that his mischief got the better of him when it was 15 minutes left.

Pushing a button on his control panel, The Gamer had a fan pop up next to the Sandvich, blowing its aroma towards Heavy. The Gamer was sure it was going to make him crack, and Heavy was twitching like crazy. But then Heavy did something that took The Gamer entirely by surprise.

He punched himself in the face, breaking his own nose. "Dere. Now Heaby will not be tembed by Sandvich." The Gamer was undeniably impressed by Heavy's resolve, a resolve that let him stay firm for the rest of the challenge. "Congratulations. You have saved Sasha and earned your Sandvich." The Gamer knew Heavy would be too busy eating to hear anything, so he sent him back, also fixing his nose in the process. "If all the others show that much spirit, then this game will be a breeze!"


	5. Chapter 5

Sniper was a bit uneasy. There were enemy drones all over the place, but he didn't have a good vantage point to shoot from. Or a gun to shoot with, for that matter. "I see you're noticing the...unusual conditions." The Gamer appear above Sniper. "That is because, due to your unparalleled sniping skills, if you were allowed to shoot stuff, the challenge would be over too quickly and to easily. So, you have to defeat all of your opponents with only your machete. Good luck!" The Gamer disappeared before Sniper could throw the machete at him.

Grumbling, Sniper went forward with the machete, slicing up all the drones he came across. He even managed to get several in one shot with well-aimed throws. He was doing well until he reached the goal, where a larger drone appeared in front of him. He swung his machete hard, but the metal was reinforced, no way to even dent it. He saw a weak spot, but it was too small for the machete to hit, thrown or not. While he was thinking of what to do, the drone was able to bring in a surprise swing that knocked Sniper to the side. Struggling to get up, his frustration only grew was he saw something very useful laying in front of him.

The drone went in for the kill, only to be shot by a well-placed bullet. Its main circuitry destroyed, the drone fell over useless. As Sniper got up, holding a rifle, he glared at The Gamer who appeared. "I thought you said there was only my machete."

"I never said you couldn't look for more weapons." Sniper silently promised to shoot him later, as he stepped into the goal, ending his challenge and starting another.


	6. Chapter 6

Demoman found himself in a field filled with rubble. He had all of his weapons, with plenty of ammo crates around. "Ah thought this was supposed ta be an easy challenge. So why all tha weapons?" An explosion happened behind him, causing him to turn around and see an unwelcome sight. "Ah, Hell no! The Bombinomicon!"

"And that's not all!" The Gamer, appearing out of nowhere, pointed to another direction, revealing a sight that made Demoman's blood run cold. "Monoculus…" Demoman's eyeball, taken away and cursed into a monster, was staring at him, charging up an attack. "Yep, so your challenge is simple. Beat the two of them. Good luck!" Demoman started shooting out bombs like there was no tomorrow, but every single one was evaded with ease. "You think you can hit me? I was a part of you. I know how you think!" Some more flaming eyeballs made Demoman roll away, facing the Bombinomicon. "And I didn't just write the book on bombs, I am the book!" Bombinomicon launched a few bombs at Demoman, creating a large dust cloud and creating a lot of debris.

Monoculus circled the dust cloud, trying to get a good view. "Come on man, how I am supposed to know where he is – OW!" A sharp piece of rock flew up and hit him right on the iris, making him squint hard in pain. "Why, you – " Monoculus let loose a huge barrage of flaming eyeballs, creating a fire blast that cleared the dust in a single shockwave. But all that was revealed was a deeply singed Bombinomicon. "What- uh!" A big explosion happened on his backside, making him go down. As he fell, the Demoman walked out of his hiding place smiling. "For a big aye, ya sur' have a lot a' blind spots!" The glow appeared again, taking Demoman back to the waiting area, and bringing the next challenger to the next test.


	7. Chapter 7

Medic found himself in an empty operating room. "Ah, this reminds of my earlier days as a doctor, right before I lost my license. Is my challenge to impart my wisdom – eh?" The doors opened and a variety of beds and gear were rolled in, filling the room. The Gamer appeared behind. "Your challenge is to simply operate on these patients, and cure them of their ailments."

The Gamer turned to leave when Medic suddenly stopped. "But wait! There are missing much-needed materials!"

"Materials?"  
"Yes, such as the hearts for Ubercharge, the pigeon blood, and of course the baboon – "

"Ah, that's also part of the challenge, you can't use any animal parts. You have to use traditional tools and go by the book."

"What?"

"You heard me. Good luck."

The Gamer closed the door, leaving the Medic alone with the patients. "But all I want is to experiment with some people, enhance them, and prove my own genius. Is that so wrong? Ach, better get this over with…" Medic went right to work, removing tumors, fixing bones, doing stitches, it was startling how fast he was doing it. When he finished, The Gamer appeared again. "That was disturbingly swift and efficient."

"Well, of course! There's no challenge when it's a simple, blank canvas! There's nothing to act upon! It's boring and not boundary breaking!" The Gamer sent Medic away mid-rant, wondering if he made the challenges too easy for them.


	8. Chapter 8

Engineer thought if there was a mistake. He was surrounded by high-class sentry turrets, all keeping a vigilant eye around him. Seeing The Gamer, he asked what was going on. "It may seem that this challenge will be a walk in the park, but what you don't know is that the turrets are defective." Some of the turrets broke down when he said that. "You have to make sure that they are maintain to operational capacity while fending of the attackers. Good luck."

Several doors opened when he said that, allowing groups of drones to swarm in. Engineer wasted no time getting to work. Getting the repairs to the point where it could fire a few shots was the best tactic at the moment, as it kept up with the pace of the drones, but the drones kept increasing in number, and in the speed they were coming in. Luckily he figured out a way to repair two drones at once, and it evened the odds a little. It soon became a match of endurance, one that Engineer did not plan on losing.

After 10 minutes of continuous shooting, all the drones fell. Engineer breathed heavily as the turrets broke down permanently. Then, to his shock, one last drone broke out of the pile, still having some life in it. The drone launched forward, only to be instantly struck down by a wrench sticking out of it. Engineer was surprised, mostly by how fast he reacted to it.

"Well done." Engineer jumped at The Gamer's voice. "I didn't expect you to react with your reflexes so quickly. You have completed the challenge. Now it depends on your allies." The glow returned Engineer to the others, as the next challenge was prepared.


	9. Chapter 9

Pyro was understandably uneasy. Afterall, he was in a room filled with nothing, but fire extinguishers. He could only grip his ax tightly, waiting for something to happen. "Sorry to keep you waiting." The Gamer appeared from above. "How this challenge works is simple. You just have to destroy extinguisher here with that ax. But, there is a catch. The floor is coated with a flammable liquid that will ignite from the ax should it miss." The Gamer released a quick restraint before Pyro struck the floor. "If it goes off, then everything in here, including you, turns to ash, and more importantly, you fail the challenge. So, to recap, destroy the extinguishers, without starting fires."

Pyro was shaking from that. But thankfully, he had something to vent his anger on. It was downright scary how he was able to chop and slice the extinguishers while in a blind rage. After he was done and there was extinguisher foam everywhere, he threw the ax at The Gamer.

"Well done. You passed. I do believe that deserves a reward." Lifting Pyro up with his power, he set the floor ablaze, showing Pyro a beautiful sight before sending him away. "Even pyromaniacs deserve a little happiness, don't you think?"


	10. Chapter 10

Soldier looked around to see a dim room. "I am victorious! My challenge ran away in fear!"

"Not even close." The Gamer turned on the lights to reveal an intricate obstacle course that revolved around nigh-impossible jumps. "The challenge is simple. Bazooka jump through this course to pass." Soldier liked what he heard. He also liked to make explosions. He ran forward and make his first jump, only to narrowly miss a bolt of green, eldritch energy. "BEHOLD! It is I, Merasmus! And today is the day I finally destroy you!"

"Oh, I forgot to mention that Merasmus will be attacking you the entire time."

"Understood! Affirmative!"

Soldier quickly proceeded with the course, proving his experience as he was able to make each jump perfectly while missing Merasmus's spells by a hair's width. "Methinks Merasmus has attacked one too many times." The Gamer thought as Soldier treated the "nuisance" as if it was an everyday occurrence. A few minutes later, Soldier reached the finish line. The Gamer was about to congratulate him when he suddenly turned around and blasted Merasmus with his bazooka.

"Mind explaining why you did that?"

"Just following the rules."

"What?"

"The rules. Finish the course, then blast Merasmus. I did that, so I won, right?"

"Yeah, sure."

As The Gamer sent him away, he was glad that he was finally done with the crazies, with his next challenger being more suave and dignified.


	11. Chapter 11

Spy noticed something out of the ordinary. And that was nothing was out of the ordinary. It seemed like he was back at the gravel fields that he has been fighting over with the other mercs. The only difference was the silence. Silence that was broken by The Gamer. "Looks familiar, I know, but it's actually a replica I had prepared. And your challenge is simple. You have to get a briefcase. But there are plenty of guards in your way. You have to keep your stealth on to the max, because you are not allowed to kill them. One death, and you fail."

The Gamer vanished, leaving Spy to grumble about the situation he was put in, especially since he still had all of his weapons. Lighting a cigarette, he took a few minutes to think of a plan.

Later, in the lower levels of the building, an Engineer was relaxing by his sentry, reading a magazine. He nearly fell out of his chair when the sentry started to spark and power down. He turned around fast, but not fast enough to avoid getting punched, and knocked out. Spy gave a bit of a smug smile before being jolted by the sound of static. "Engineer! What's going on? Over." Spy picked up the walkie-talkie, imitating the Engineer's voice. "A dang-cowardly Spy sapped my sentry and ran off! I think he went to the Eastern side of the building." As he heard footsteps head in that direction, Spy smirked as he activated his cloaker and went to the West.

Getting close to the office where the briefcase was being held, he was stopped by a very unwelcome sight. A Sniper. With Jarate. Spy was originally angry at the predicament, then realize that it was a good thing he was still arm.

The Sniper was looking at the Jarate, having fun imagining the look on Spy's face when he gets covered with it. An image that will never become true as a knife flew through the air, breaking open the Jarate and spreading it all over the Sniper. Grossed out, he turned to see Spy. "Let's see how you like it." The Sniper reached for his gun, only for it to be blown away and damaged by Spy's own handgun. A swift chop to the neck ended it.

Walking into the office, Spy was pleased to see no one inside. And the briefcase was in plain sight. Walking forward and grabbing it, he turned around to see the remaining mercs pointing their guns at him.

"Wait! I have the briefcase, so I have completed the challenge!" The mercs were instantly frozen in place as The Gamer appeared. "Excellent job noticing I never said you had to leave with the briefcase, but just retrieve it. You have completed the challenge." The Gamer sent Spy away, and then began with preparations for what would be his favorite challenge.


	12. Chapter 12

Ms. Pauling was understandably surprised. When she was taken away, she did not expect that she would have to do a challenge. And she also did not know that she had to wear an evening dress for it. "What's going on?"

"I'm so glad you asked!" The Gamer's called made Ms. Pauling turn around. With a snap of his fingers, a light turned on, revealing a table, with candlelit dinner, and Scout sitting there in a three-piece suit. "What…is…..that?"

"Your dinner, as well as your challenge. Don't worry, it's not the real Scout, it's just a copy. But your challenge is still the same. Survive a date with him!" The Game took a moment to enjoy the look of shock on Ms. Pauling's face. "So, off you go, and good luck! _Nee hee heeeeeeeee…_ "

A half-hour later, Ms. Pauling reappeared with the other mercs. Before they could ask how she did, she just walked up to Scout and punched him out cold. "I think it went rather well."

"It's as you said, Spy." The Gamer grabbed everyone's attention. "All of you have passed your challenges, so you get the wish! Now, what will it be?"

"Bigger guns!"

"Fire!"

"Ahl tha whiskey ya ca' drink!"

"How about a decent paycheck?"

Their squabbling went on until Ms. Pauling couldn't take it anymore. "Ugh, I wish you guys would shut up for just 5 minutes!" She slapped her hand on her mouth when she heard herself, but it was too late. "Wish granted." The mercs all fell silent, unable to speak no matter how hard they tried. "Don't worry, it's only for 5 minutes." Sending them away back to their world, he went back to his journal. _"They were able to meet my expectations. For the time I got them from was when they were about to do battle with Grey Mann and his robots army. If I left it alone, they would be wiped out in a day. With disguised training, both physical and mental, they now have the strength to survive the challenges ahead. From Grey, or anyone. But for now, I must start planning out my next game…."_


End file.
